tired and scared

having gone through so much in the treatment of my endometriosis, i think i cannot ever get used to the pain associated with the condition. all sorts of pain. and i am plainly tired of feeling it.

and yet, tomorrow, i will be seeing my OB again. she will be performing a diagnostic test on me. it's called a hysterogram. after scouring the web for more information on the procedure, i am made to think that i have nothing to worry about because i will only feel a mild discomfort, much like that of menstrual cramps. i had just gone through a week of cramps last week because of my period and tomorrow, i'll be going through another one.

when does it ever end? this i question myself endlessly. i know, i know. you'd probably say that things will be fine and i'll be okay. well, i'd very much like to think that but sometimes, i just can't. i guess sometimes i get tired too of convincing myself to be a positive thinker.

tomorrow will definitely define our fate as a couple, if we can be parents or not. not only am i tired, i'm also scared out of my wits.