under the knife

i just remembered that i was supposed to go under the knife sometime this week. it is a procedure recommended by my OB-GYNE called surgical laparoscopy to determine the real score if i can truly bear children the natural way.

they'll be using only a little scope to probe around my lower abdomen. but still it is considered as surgery, as they will be "cleaning" me up to increase my chances of conceiving. nevermind the cost (which is astronomical, by the way!), but the idea of me lying on an operating table and having an incision on your body under general anesthesia scares the hell out of me, no matter how safe they can claim it to be.

and so, we have decided NOT to go through with it, especially after reading this. our main reason? we have never really tried conceiving yet. i've been on and off medication for the past three years to treat my endometriosis so there is no absolute chance for me to conceive a child at this point. when my medication is over (last dose on feb 1!), we'll just have to try if we can do it on our own.

we just want nature to take hold first and give miracles a chance. when all is done and exhausted, then i suppose we can go ahead and start playing God.